The State of Dreadsorrow
Posted by HCG Dreadsorrow | Filed under Editorials, Rants
Let me introduce myself to you new people that have only recently started following this site since my last post a month and a half ago. I hate shitty video games that waste my f*****g time. I hate sloppy game developers that insult my intelligence with silvery, disc-shaped dog turds they liberally call “games”. I despise greedy and lying game publishers that rush a potentially good game to market way too f*****g early resulting in a buggy, incomplete diarrhea splatter their marketing people call a “blockbuster”. Or else they load the f*****g s**t with so much DRM (EA) or rootkits (Sony) that they sabotage what might otherwise be a game that someone would actually lay our their hard-earned cash for, instead of just finding a good torrent. And I absolutely f*****g loathe giant quivering cow vaginas called game news sites that have their noses so far up the publishers’ asses they can watch them load a torpedo into the launch tube.
HCG Dreadsorrow’s Quickie - Lord of the Rings: Conquest
Posted by HCG Dreadsorrow | Filed under Quickies, Rants
Holy frakking s**t, what the hell was EA thinking? This so-called game is a giant steaming toilet curler with peanut chunks sticking out of it. Gigantic huge complete EPIC FAIL.
I understand that not every game can be Gears of War 2, Left4Dead, or Rock Band 2. I understand all too well that some games are simply better than others. This thing that EA vomited out upon the gaming public is so abysmally shitty that it not only brings disgrace to Tolkien’s Middle Earth by association, but it is a travesty of 1s and 0s that stagger even the staunchest hard core gamer. What is even more disturbing than Conquest’s mere existence, is the fact that EA had the audacity to demand $60 for it upon release. I would not even use this game’s disc as a beer coaster. I am afraid that it would make my beer taste like green tea or some other revolting hippie drink, just because of how completely terrible this game is.
I will not even begin to list all the faults I found with Conquest. It sucks so hard, that I don’t want to waste my brainpower by discussing it any more than I absolutely have to. But, do you really want to know what playing this game for even 5 minutes is like?
Imagine if you will a homeless person with mental problems that has spent the past few days eating dog s**t in an alley along with gorging himself on expired burritos from a dumpster that has a few rotting cat carcasses in it. This bum already had some sort of severe gastrointestinal disorder before this binge of dog s**t, rotting cats and super-nasty burritos, but now this bum senses that he is about to expire. So obeying the voices in his head, he makes a beeline to the nearest video game store, where you are debating with yourself whether or not you should dish out the cash for that copy of Lord of the Rings: Conquest. Once there, he throws you on the ground, vomits all over you, drops his pants, pees all over your hair and clothes. Then he sits on your face and dies, voiding his bowels most explosively with a generous portion of the discharge going straight down your throat. You dig your way out from under this mound of quivering bum-diarrhea splatter, and forget all about buying that copy of Conquest.
That bum just did you a HUGE favor.
Play something else that does not suck on quite so much an epic scale. Save your money. Avoid Lord of the Rings: Conquest at all costs.
Tags: Electronic Arts, Lord of the Rings: Conquest, quickies
Video Game World Records…Yeah, I Can Beat That
Posted by HCG KP1gL37 | Filed under Editorials, Rants
I stumbled across a pretty interesting article on CVG the other day, and just had to comment. The article is the 30 Great Gaming World Records taken from the 2009 Guinness World Records 2009 Gamer’s Edition. I was instally intrigued, seeing that Paco and I currently hold three Guinness World Records (all are zombie-related BTW) so we are always looking for new records to break. After reading this article, I was blown away by the rich history and accomplishments of hardcore gamers over the years. I am also convinced I can break at least a few of these with the help of some of my hardcore gamer friends. Now, I’m not saying there are some on the list that are DAMN impressive, but check out some of the less awe-inspiring records, and maybe you will be moved to break a few yourself…
Tags: Editorial, Guinness World Records Gamers Edition 2009, Rant
MMO News Roundup - 2-19-09
Posted by HCG Dreadsorrow | Filed under MMO News Roundup, News, Rants
So hear about Lego Universe lately? From my mass of gray matter, I recall that the Lego MMO was supposed to be released in the 4th quarter of last year. Now obviously that didn’t happen, and the speculation is that resources were pulled away to work on the Lego Indy game. Yeah, because the movie was so f*****g good right? We just had to have that game! Then there was the Lego Batman game, which I’m sure had nothing at all to do with pushing the Lego MMO back even further. Now we hear that there is another project that Lego does not to be overshadowed by their vaporware MMO. Yes, because Lego fans are brainless lunkheads that can only focus on one thing at a time. You know what Lego? Keep your games. Seriously, don’t even bother with an MMO at all. Just put it up there on the “never” shelf with Duke Nukem Forever, and go on making you IP license tie-in games that are clones of each other. Keep your marketing executive decisions that supersede the reality of the gamer world. And while you’re at it, keep your overpriced bricks with no discount for bulk purchases. In short Lego corporation, f**k you. Click here for the article. Think I am overreacting? Well remember how this game was originally scheduled for late 2008? Well there is now no chance that it will go live during 2009 at all, and the strong rumor is that 2010 will also not see a release. All because marketing butt-lickers want to keep feeding you the same old s**t.
The greedy bastards over at MMORPG.com are at it again, hoarding lots of scrumptious exclusive screenshots. The latest are more shots of the increasingly amazing-looking Jumpgate Evolution. Ironically enough, the new iteration of the venerable Jumpgate MMO is being developed by NetDevil, the same company that is also doing Lego Universe (which will come out the same time that Jack Thompson is the guest of honor at E3). This just shows you can’t blame NetDevil for the shitheads at Lego. Click here to look at the screenshots, and commence drooling. And as an added bonus, there is a dev chat coming up on the 24th of February. Click here to get the lowdown on that.
Tags: Aion: Tower of Eternity, Darkfall, Jumpgate Evolution, Lego, Lego Universe, MMO, MMO News Roundup, MMORPG, NetDevil, World of Warcraft
Turbine gets the first DUMBASS award of 2009
Posted by HCG Dreadsorrow | Filed under News, Rants
When you are operating not one, but several online games that require players to log in, what would be one of the most important things you must remember to do?
If you guessed make certain that you have a correct SSL certificate, then you can’t work at Turbine. Why you ask? Because that is exactly what they have done, by letting their SSL certificate expire for Lord of the Rings Online.
Players trying to log in to LOTRO found it necessary to reset their system clock to 2008 EVERY TIME they tried to log into the game. So to whoever at Turbine that was in charge of the SSL certificated renewal, as well as the QA department for making certain it was done, and the management because ultimately they are responsible, here’s your trophy folks.
Click here for some of the forum fallout.
The funny part about this, is that this same thing happened back in June.
Tags: Lord of the Rings Online, LOTRO, MMO, MMORPG, Turbine
Time for yet another ridiculous patent infringement lawsuit
Posted by HCG Dreadsorrow | Filed under Editorials, News, Rants
This is so f*****g stupid that it is pissing me off just to think about it. The latest in the seemingly never-ending string of patent-trolls and ridiculous patent-related lawsuits is the f*******s over at Worlds.com.
See what just happened is that they decided to file a patent infringement lawsuit against NCsoft for infringing on patent 7,181,690. You can read on the details of this patent by clicking here.
Tags: MMO, MMORPG, NCsoft, Worlds.com
World of Warcraft Mouse - YOU Are That Which Has No Life
Posted by HCG Dreadsorrow | Filed under Hardware, Rants
If the special WoW keyboard just isn’t enough to make you feel superior to all other level 80 characters that are exactly like you because the players behind them also have no life whatsoever and raid incessantly for that one set of epics that is .00000001% more uber than the rest, now you have something else to waste your money on.
From SteelSeries comes the mouse officially licensed by Blizzard for World of Warcraft. Instead of just making do with a regular pointing device, soon you will be able to waste $100 on a mouse that seems to be designed to play one game and little else.
Tags: Blizzard, MMO, MMORPG, SteelSeries, World of Warcraft
MMO News Roundup - 12.16.08
Posted by HCG Dreadsorrow | Filed under MMO News Roundup, News, Rants
2008 was a great year for MMOs, giving us some great fun in the way of online fun in virtual worlds. We also saw some great expansions to already existing titles. But this isn’t about those. I was going to summarize some of the ones that tanked, but someone already did. You can see a brief breakdown of those that fared the worst in this article on yourmeetingcoffee.com.
The World of Warcraft Expansion: Wrath of the Lich King, led the NPD sales charts for the week of November 30 - December 6. LINKY. What is more surprising than Spore being number 2 on the list (Really gamers? are you that bored and willing to compromise your own PCs?), is the fact that there are some WoW players out there that had not already gotten the expansion.
OK, so this one isn’t exactly MMO-related, but it is far to delicious to pass up. It seems that some hospital for “troubled” people somewhere forgot to pass out their meds and lock the doors, because the patients all escaped and decided to throw a 2-day Uwe Boll Film Fest, with the steaming horse turd himself in attendance. I was going to write some nasty things here about Uwe Boll, but I really don’t have to. The comments over at Kotaku’s post on this are worth reading.
NCSoft is having a nice celebration of the season for the players of City of Heroes. You get some cosmetic tchochkies just for logging in, but there is also a rather long list of challenges facing players. Things such as special missions, giant snowmen prowling the streets thirsting for blood, and presents hidden in the alleys and rooftops of the city. The holiday seems to have come in between a zombie apocalypse and the next alien invasion, proving once again that things are never dull in Paragon City. LINKY.
I’ll have more later, but for now I want to look at more pictures of Marisa Miller, and think about how smart she is and how much I respect her as a person.
Tags: City of Heroes, Marissa Miller, MMO News Roundup, NCsoft, Uwe Boll, World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King
Cod:WaW Zombie mode feels like an after-thought
Posted by HCG Paco | Filed under Editorials, Rants
It’ll make sense, just read the article.
I know it’s cool and all but did we really need it? Zombie mode feels like a last minute dog and pony show to distract you from realizing how boring the real single player game really was.
A: It doesn’t fit. We play CoD for the realism and emotional connection. We don’t play it for a trip into the fantastical.
B: It feels like a cheap pop. Like when a politician (or wrestler) name drops his host city. “Finally, the Rock has come back to AUSTIN, TEXAS!” That kind of cheap pop. Plus, the Horde mode in Gears 2 was famously circulating around forums and talkbacks after early private showings and Activision knew it. Everyone was also buzzing about Left 4 Dead and/or Activision couldn’t swing an undead cat and not hit some pop culture zombie reference and decided “Hey, two great tastes that taste great together. What the f**k? Why hell not?”
It’s pointless and boring. Like when sitcoms introduce a baby (or homeless vagrant) into the story for cheap ratings. Raven Simone is why the hell not.
"I drove the Cosby show straight to hell. How's that for jumping a shark Fonze?"
Tags: Call of Duty World At War, Horde Mode, The Rock, Xbox 360, zombie mode, zombies
To CCP and EVE Online - You are banished from my PC
Posted by HCG Dreadsorrow | Filed under Editorials, Rants, War Story
For all of what is good about EVE Online, there is a lot that is bad. So bad as a matter of fact that it has now reached the point of being so counterproductive of the entire concept of fun and entertainment, that I can no longer and will never again suggest a CCP game to anyone. And that includes EVE Online, which is now and forvever more banished from my house.
I am too f*****g pissed off right now to list all of the offenses of CCP in f*****g over their paying customers. Those of you that have followed the game and its drama for the past few years, know exactly what the f**k I am talking about.
So what was the final nail in the mother f*****g coffin? I’ll be more than f*****g pleased to tell you exactly what the f**k was the last goddamn f*****g straw.
Tags: CCP, EVE Online, MMO, MMORPG
FCC Commisioner Blames World of Warcraft for College Dropouts
Posted by HCG Dreadsorrow | Filed under Editorials, News, Rants
FCC Commisioner Deborah Taylor Tate
OK, here’s the deal. The FCC as hopefully you already know, is run by 5 commisioners. One of them is Deborah Taylor Tate, who on the 2nd of December 2008 delivered a speech to the University of Pennsylvania that has gotten a lot of attention on the internet.
Among other things, the commish here has praised DRM, ISP filtering, and a federal gov’t partnership with the RIAA to brainwash American schoolchildren. These issues are covered pretty well in this article on Ars Technica.
I however want to address the implication that she makes regarding online gaming, specifically World of Warcraft.
Tags: Deborah Taylor Tate, FCC, MMO, MMORPG, Rant, World of Warcraft
Parents and the ESRB Rating System: The Death of Common Sense
Posted by HCG KP1gL37 | Filed under Editorials, Rants
Christian, family, and parental watchdog organizations are responsible for a discouraging trend lately by flooding the web with “parental buying guides for video games.” Take The National Institute on Media and the Family (NIMF) for example. They recently released their 13th annual video game report card that includes a list of games parents should avoid in 2008. And another group, The Timothy Plan, has started their own little witch hunt of “evil-doers” in the gaming industry. Also, as we mentioned in Hey Did You Hear… last week, the ESRB has instituted a new policy that will require a detailed listing of the game’s content on their website (hello, spoilers!) in addition to the current rating and content descriptors so that parents can further understand what is included in a game. The more these organizations clog parent’s brains with these “games that are evil” guides, the less parents will rely on the ESRB rating system and make good parenting choices on their own. I’m not saying parents don’t need to be informed (because I know a lot of them are clueless). I’m saying these organizations need to focus on teaching the rating system, not demonizing games based on their content.
Tags: Editorials, ESRB, MPAA, National Institute on Media and the Family, NIMF, Rants, ratings, The Timothy Plan, Video Game Voters Network
